Syrup

 Syrup jumps around from event to event without any logical transitions or foundation. It's supposed to be slick and cool, but it's just transparent and hollow. There are a handful of funny moments, but they don't even come close to justifying watching the worst movie I've seen all year.

Syrup was copyrighted 2011, but it wasn't released until 2013. I wonder if it got hung up somewhere, or if that's just how long it takes for a movie to come out after it's been shot. I'm betting it was the former. This looked cool from the trailer, so I wanted to see it. IMDb and Rotten Tomatoes said it was a waste of time, but I was tired of not getting to see any movies because they all had bad reviews, so I watched it anyway. It turns out the reviewers were right: this is the worst movie I've seen all year!

It was so terrible, the entire time I was watching it I just kept thinking, "This is the worst movie ever made!" The flow was absolutely horrible. They would go from snippy and snarky to something that was supposed to be meaningful and emotional without setting it up at all. The music was terrible. It would be silent, and then a cue would come in out of nowhere trying to force you to feel something, and it was just obtrusive.

Everything was totally empty. The voiceovers with "marketing 101" and whatever didn't work at all. Anytime someone broke the fourth wall and talked directly to the camera it felt super awkward and out of place. 6 was awkward, too. Nothing she did ever made sense. It was bizarre how everyone picked a new name. 3, 6, Sneaky Pete, Scat. I don't think real marketing executives do that. And who the heck would pick "Scat" for a name, anyway? He said it was referencing jazz, and okay, that's great, but do you not know what else it means?!

The guys at the competing soda company were so dumb. It's like they were trying to have a realistic movie, and then they put those guys in, and it didn't make any sense. Amber Heard's face bugged me. There's something off about her left eye, and I didn't like all that dark lipstick. Her spiel about what men expect out of women didn't work. None of her dialogue worked; it was just bizarre. She did look gorgeous in a couple of scenes in her apartment, though.

It was kind of funny when 3 showed up trying to imitate 6. The blocking was perfect in the shot where they were both walking away. That looked really nice. There were a handful of actual funny moments in the movie, too. I liked that Pete never said anything; until the end, when he did, and I didn't like that so much. It was funny when he erased his number of sexual partners at the donation place and changed it to 0. The scene with Rachel Dratch was funny, too. I liked Brittany Snow in American Dreams, so it was nice to see her again. She was barely recognizable, though.

I could tell 6's story about being a ballerina was BS. She said she always wanted to be one, but then she went to Yale, and then she went to England and during her audition they told her she was missing a muscle? Wtf? She didn't ever try to dance until after college? She auditioned somewhere without ever taking any classes? It made no sense. I'm glad Michael walked away from her. I hope he stays away. She's just a pathological liar.

I don't know why Michael was so disillusioned with the marketing world. He obviously took all those marketing classes, so he knew what it was going to be about. All their little insights about love and sex and marketing were supposed to be so cool, but they weren't. I don't know if it was the dialogue, the delivery, or both, but whatever the reason was, it failed. It was all supposed to be so fast and slick and cool, but it was just transparent and hollow.

I liked Michael's last line in the interview. I don't remember it verbatim, but something along the lines of "you're just buying syrup." It made me feel good because I don't drink soda or energy drinks, or anything except milk and water. So there you go, I'm not buying it. It was a good line outside of that, too, though.

They did do a fantastic job with the trailer, though; it still makes the movie look good. But it sucks that this is one of those movies where all the good stuff is in the trailer.