Bram Stoker’s Dracula

Gary Oldman and Anthony Hopkins are great, and Dracula's character design is cool, but the movie is still way too cheesy.

I liked Bram Stoker’s Dracula slightly more the first time I saw it. Gary Oldman and Anthony Hopkins are still good, and the costumes are cool. But the rest is a little weird. It's way too cheesy and over the top.

Johnny Mnemonic

I'm too much of a William Gibson fan to not like Johnny Mnemonic, even if most of the acting is horrific. There are so many cool ideas, costumes, and characters, you just have to look past the line delivery.

I loved William Gibson's books in high school, although I don't actually remember them anymore. This was the second time I've seen Johnny Mnemonic. I did remember the book the first time I saw it, 11 years ago. I gave it a 3/5 then. I don't think I recognized how terrible *all* the acting was. I knew Keanu was bad, but this time I saw that everyone else was, too.

I still like the atmosphere and idea of it, the characters, and the costumes. They should do a remake with good actors. Keanu and Henry are atrocious. Everyone else is just flat. And some of the CG is really cheesy.

It definitely works a lot better if you've read the book. I still think all the stuff about implants and enhancements is cool, and the idea of the low-tech underground counterculture, and the whole "ghost in the machine" digital consciousness concept.

The Transporter

I could barely force myself to think about The Transporter for long enough to write anything about it. I don't know why I thought it might be good, but it profoundly was not. Definitely one of the worst, cheesiest movies I've ever seen. Everything about it was horrible, from the music to the action, dialogue, and plot.

I wasn't interested in The Transporter when it came out, but I later became a fan of Jason Statham (Death Race and Crank, anyone?), so I decided to check it out. Bad idea. Easily one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I don't even think Statham is that good here. The music was absolutely horrible. The action sequences were so obviously choreographed and slow. There were huge pauses for Statham to hit his marks, with all the bad guys patiently waiting for their turn to be attacked.

Tai Chi Zero

Tai Chi Zero really only exists to set up Tai Chi Hero. It looks amazing, but it's super cheesy.

I saw a trailer for Tai Chi Hero, and it looked cool, so I decided to check out the prequel before I saw it. I read on IMDb that Hero was better than Zero, so I wasn't expecting much. The whole kitschy/cheesy/video game feel was kind of obnoxious. It wasn't my thing. I didn't like the pop-ups about the style, or the diagrams that showed up under people's feet. And I especially didn't like the part where it would say "That's Angelababy as Chen Yu Niang! She's a famous actress!" It really took you out of the movie, and I don't know who those actors are, anyway.