The Dark Tower

It's baffling why they even made this Dark Tower movie. It has nothing to do with the books. The characters and plot are completely different. That makes it pretty painful for someone who's read the series, and I'm not sure there's anything there for someone who hasn't.

I knew The Dark Tower wasn't going to be good, but I figured I might as well see it anyway. I read all the books, but it was a while ago, so I don't remember much about them anymore. When I saw the trailer, my reaction was, "what was that, there was nothing there." Reviews said it was just painful to watch because there was so much potential, and they didn't do anything with it. I definitely agree with that.

John Wick: Chapter 2

John Wick 2 doesn’t hold a candle to the original. The action is boring, the plot doesn’t make sense, and it’s all just a setup for the next one.

I didn’t see John Wick in the theater, and when I watched it, I wished I had. So I was determined to see John Wick 2 in the theater (and I did). There were only two other people there, so that was nice. The opening scene was great. I loved the view of New York, even though I had no idea that’s what city it was. And the opening car chase was cool, too. But it was all downhill from there.

Suicide Squad

 Suicide Squad had a lot of promise. I like the world of Batman (especially without Batman in it), a lot of the characters were cool, and there were some funny moments. But the Joker was atrocious, a lot of the dialogue didn't work, the plot started out as nonsense and only got worse, and the editing was a mess.

I've been hearing hype about Suicide Squad for like two years now, starting with the big reveal of Jared Leto's makeup. And let's just start there. What a horrible Joker he was. I don't get what was with the teeth. They looked so awkward. The hair color didn't work at all, the lipstick was crazy. The voice he went with reminded me of Bruce Jenner. We never really got a feel for what his character was about. It was just so random when he killed people, which I guess might be the point, but it didn't work for me. People complained that he wasn't in the movie enough, but I hated all of his scenes, so it was more than enough for me.

I knew going into it that people said the movie was terrible, but I had some hope anyway. I did like the colors of the logo a lot, and the art they did at the end to represent the characters. Harley's outfit was interesting, and I liked her accent. She was a pretty cool character overall, although I was really confused by Dr. Quinzel. She wasn't very believable. Deadshot/Will's performance was interesting I guess.

Kill Zone 2

Kill Zone 2 had potential, but the plot is pretty atrocious. It looks okay, though, and some of the action is interesting.

The trailer for Kill Zone 2 made it look interesting (I think half of my reviews start this way). IMDb said the plot wasn't good, but the action was, so I went ahead and saw it. IMDb was accurate. The plot is pretty atrocious, but the action is interesting. Tony Jaa is fun to watch, and Jing Wu was good, too. Some of the dialogue probably came across better in the original language.

I'm really starting to hate breaking windows. I haven't seen it done well in so long. Luckily that wasn't a main feature here. There should have been more action. There were some long stretches without it, and they were terrible. I didn't like how it was mostly realistic action, and every now and then someone would do a wire stunt that stood out like a sore thumb.

The Magnificent Seven

The Magnificent Seven has a lot of flaws, and the acting isn't good enough to carry the lack of plot and character development. Some of the action is cool, but it's not really enough to make it worth watching.

The Magnificent Seven got mixed reviews, but I was hoping it could be carried on the virtue of the actors. Turns out it couldn't. The plot is ridiculously simple, but you know that going in, so they really need to do some character development or have some cool tricks or something, but they don't. It felt really tired and unispired. The whole "defending a small town with tricks" thing has been done to death. You've got to have some spectacularly impressive tricks if you're going to make it entertaining, and they didn't.

Alice Through the Looking Glass

Alice Through the Looking Glass was cool to see in the theater, but I wouldn’t recommend it outside of that. It could’ve been a lot better. Aesthetically it alternates between gorgeous and freakish; the plot’s largely contradictory and uncompelling; the dialgoue is trite; and Mia doesn’t quite have the presence to pull off the Alice they’re trying to portray.

Roeper warned me that Alice Through the Looking Glass wasn’t going to be any good, but I didn’t listen. It looked pretty, so I wanted to see it. It was pretty. Although the Hatter and the Red Queen looked really freaky and screwed with the aesthetic appeal for a lot of the movie. Alice’s outfits were really cool, though. I loved that crazy thing that she wore to the ball.

Suburban Gothic

Suburban Gothic is pretty much a throw-away. The main character is likeable and interesting, and there are a couple funny scenes, but that can't make up for the vacuity of the plot and the other characters.

The reviews for Suburban Gothic weren’t that great, and I probably should've listened to them and not watched it, but it looked like it could be funny and/or interesting. It had a really weird vibe that didn't quite work, though. Raymond had an intriguing look. I was kind of mystified by the fact that Becca never smiled, which is actually one of the main problems I had with the movie - everyone was so much a caricature, you couldn't take it the slightest bit seriously.

Spy

Spy had potential, but the vibe is just off. It's not serious, it's not a parody, and it doesn't do a good job of being in the middle. It is consistently funny, but it could've been a lot better.

It's October, and apparently Spy is the second movie I've seen that came out in 2015. I really liked The Heat, and you can pretty much tell from the trailer which if Melissa's movies are going to be unwatchable. I figured this one would at least be passable, and that wasn't far off. There was something weird about the tone. It didn't quite work. I've seen most of the commentary, and the director keeps talking about how it's not a spoof or a parody, and they were going for serious (as much as they could with a comedy), but the general feel of the movie was really off.

I had a hard time investing in the plot. Maybe Melissa works better when she only has one person to play off, like in The Heat, than so many people. There were a *lot* of funny things about the movie, but something about it really brings my rating down. Most of the songs were jarring and just terrible choices in general, and the CGI was inexcusable. 

Predestination

Predestination is based on a short story, and it shows. They added some things that weren't in the story, but it's not enough. The framework of the original idea is really all that's there, and it wasn't worth my time. I was expecting a flashier action/fantasy-type movie, and it turned out to be straight drama. 

The trailer for Predestination made it seem like it would be all futuristic, but a weird 40s-style future, and flashy and exciting with the way they do the time jumps, like an action/fantasy movie. But it was actually pure drama; borderline boring drama. It was such a narrative. I wasn't surprised at all to find out it was based on a short story. It had a real "short story" feel to it. I don't think they had enough here to make a movie out of, even though they added things that weren't in the story. I feel slightly disenfranchised being sold a movie that turned out to be a short story, now that I think about it.

Warm Bodies

Warm Bodies is a movie that suffered from the tragic "solid concept, shoddy execution." The idea was there, but it just wasn't fleshed out in the right way. Nothing seemed realistic, and it was a disappointment.

Warm Bodies is kind of bordering on a 2.5/3 rating. On the one hand, it's a really cool concept, and it finally gives an explanation for why zombies eat brains (I think Roeper said that actually, but it's probably what everyone will think whether they saw his review or not). On the other hand, it was basically adapted from a 7-page short story, and it felt like it. Sure, the author expanded it into a novelette, and then a screenwriter tried to condense that into a movie, but there were a lot of things that just didn't feel fully thought out.

The Last Airbender

Shyamalan should never be allowed to make another film after what he did to this show.

Ponyo

Huge disappointment from Miyazaki. Ponyo herself was really annoying.

Ninja Assassin

Flashy and expensive, but I expected more.

My Super Ex-Girlfriend

Why, Uma, why?

Delicatessen