The Transporter

I could barely force myself to think about The Transporter for long enough to write anything about it. I don't know why I thought it might be good, but it profoundly was not. Definitely one of the worst, cheesiest movies I've ever seen. Everything about it was horrible, from the music to the action, dialogue, and plot.

I wasn't interested in The Transporter when it came out, but I later became a fan of Jason Statham (Death Race and Crank, anyone?), so I decided to check it out. Bad idea. Easily one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I don't even think Statham is that good here. The music was absolutely horrible. The action sequences were so obviously choreographed and slow. There were huge pauses for Statham to hit his marks, with all the bad guys patiently waiting for their turn to be attacked.

Suburban Gothic

Suburban Gothic is pretty much a throw-away. The main character is likeable and interesting, and there are a couple funny scenes, but that can't make up for the vacuity of the plot and the other characters.

The reviews for Suburban Gothic weren’t that great, and I probably should've listened to them and not watched it, but it looked like it could be funny and/or interesting. It had a really weird vibe that didn't quite work, though. Raymond had an intriguing look. I was kind of mystified by the fact that Becca never smiled, which is actually one of the main problems I had with the movie - everyone was so much a caricature, you couldn't take it the slightest bit seriously.

Drive Angry

I was a little disappointed with this, but I did enjoy William Fichtner's character.

Death Race 2

They clearly had a problem finding quality people for this movie. The dialogue, direction, production, editing, and acting were all horrible. If you like Death Race enough, though, you can almost get past all of that. The idea behind the movie was solid, it was great to see how it all started, and they finally got something right when people stopped talking and things wrapped up at the end.

The Sorcerer's Apprentice

I like Cage, it had some good moments, and the magic was flashy, but none of that could make up for the atrocity that was the writing in this movie.

I still love the part in the trailer where Jay asks Nic if he's crazy and he holds up his fingers signifying "a little bit," though.

2 Fast 2 Furious

Complete waste of a movie. Why make this? Eva Mendes wasn't hot, and the dynamic between Tyrese and Paul was terrible.

Gohatto

So incredibly boring.

Wicked City

Unbeliveably visually unappealing. Ugh. How am I supposed to like an anime that completely lacks attractive characters? The twist at the end was interesting, although partially predictable, but I didn't enjoy the animation style at all.

Lost in Space

Joey in a feature-length film..bad times. The whole thing was so terribly flat. A few interesting things happened, but that did not make this worth watching.

Eulogy

Not nearly as funny as it's supposed to be.

Very Bad Things

Very bad movie.

My Super Ex-Girlfriend

Why, Uma, why?