Science Fiction Volume One: The Osiris Child

The acting and the dialogue in Science Fiction Volume One: The Osiris Child aren't always the greatest, but I enjoyed it anyway.

I didn't know that Science Fiction Volume One: The Osiris Child was a small-budget movie. I just saw a trailer for it and thought it looked interesting. The trailer kind of misrepresents what it is. It basically shows the first 10 minutes of the movie, but there's a lot more to it than that.

The timeline is kind of crazy. It's all over the place. But I liked it. It kept things interesting. And I liked the chapter headings. The only thing that didn't work at all was the slo-mo during the jail fight. That was super weird.

Swiss Army Man

Swiss Army Man is a weird movie. It makes a valid point, but the presentation is pretty rudimentary.

Swiss Army Man didn't pique my interest when I saw the trailer for it. I think any reviews I saw about it said it was "okay," which certainly didn't motivate me to see it. When I started watching it, I was pleasantly surprised to see that it starred Paul Dano. I remembered that Daniel Radcliffe was in it.

They kind of beat you over the head with the theme that we're really all the same, and we all do embarrassing things that wouldn't be embarrassing if we would stop making people feel bad for doing them. It's a valid idea, but the way in which it was conveyed wasn't terribly entertaining.

Moon

I can't really say that I *liked* Moon, but seeing how things played out was interesting.

It seems like everybody I know has seen Moon. Somehow I didn't hear anything about it until seven years after it came out. I didn't really know what to expect. All I knew about it was basically "a guy on a space station, something something AI."

The Hitman’s Bodyguard

The Hitman's Bodyguard, which it was not my choice to watch, brings nothing new to the genre and isn't worth watching.

I didn't have any interest in seeing The Hitman's Bodyguard. It definitely doesn't bring anything new to the "straight-laced guy gets teamed up with a crazy partner" genre. Samuel L. Jackson was good, I guess. They milked the whole "people like to hear him saying motherfucker" thing too hard, though. It wasn't done well. 

I think I'm officially tired of Ryan Reynolds playing Ryan Reynolds. Somebody let me know when he starts doing a different character. The chase scene in the Netherlands was cool, at least. I don't remember ever seeing one there before.

It had a few funny moments, but it's not worth watching unless you have some sort of niche interest in it. Although I did love the scene where Ryan was talking to the bartender, and pandemonium was breaking out behind him.

The Dark Tower

It's baffling why they even made this Dark Tower movie. It has nothing to do with the books. The characters and plot are completely different. That makes it pretty painful for someone who's read the series, and I'm not sure there's anything there for someone who hasn't.

I knew The Dark Tower wasn't going to be good, but I figured I might as well see it anyway. I read all the books, but it was a while ago, so I don't remember much about them anymore. When I saw the trailer, my reaction was, "what was that, there was nothing there." Reviews said it was just painful to watch because there was so much potential, and they didn't do anything with it. I definitely agree with that.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

I've liked all of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, and Dead Men Tell No Tales is no different. It's not going to win an Oscar or anything, but Javier is appropriately menacing, the plot holds things together well enough, and overall it's fun and familiar.

I like the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. I used to like Johnny Depp, but that's getting more difficult with all the "personal life" stuff that's been happening with him recently. I like the tone of the movies, though. And they're so familiar, with the music and everything. I like the "pirate adventure" angle, and seeing Jack running around doing crazy stuff.

The witch was super weird. I couldn't get behind her at all, or figure out if we were supposed to remember her from one of the other movies. They kind of overdid it with the makeup on the pirates. They all looked like they had some hardcore sun damage going on, and I felt like it wasn't necessary.

Fist Fight

Fist Fight is long, boring, and most significantly for a comedy, not funny.

The trailer for Fist Fight was funny, and I stubbornly insisted on watching it even though most of the reviews were terrible. Strangely, the reviewer on Ebert's website liked it, which everyone in the comments section was rightfully confused about.