The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

I really enjoyed The Mortal Instruments, but that might just be because I like Jonathan Rhys Meyers, the male lead looked cool, and I love fantasy worlds. There are a lot of things I wish they had gone into more detail about, it does drag at the beginning, and I can't argue with the "lame teeny-bopper love story" criticism.

I was beginning to think there were no more good movies out there, after my recent string of terrible movies. I took a gamble on Syrup even though the reviews were terrible, and it didn't pay off. The reviews for The Mortal Instruments were about the same, so I was hesitant about it. Then I found out Jonathan Rhys Meyers was in it, and I figured I'd probably like it no matter how bad it was. It turns out he's not even there for the first hour and a half of the movie, but luckily I still liked it, anyway.

I love different mythologies people create, and learning about how different versions of the world operate. I like finding out people's interpretations of standard creatures; vampires, werewolves, zombies, whatever.

At first I was put off by Clary's ridiculous eyebrows. They're so thick and dark, and they don't match her hair at all. I guess that's supposed to be her natural color, since her hair's the same color in flashbacks to when she was a kid, and her mom sort of has the same hair color, too. But the eyebrows don't match! Clary is a weird name, too. I'm not a fan of it at all.

Then I was put off by Lena Headey being in it. Apparently I've seen her in a few movies, but she wasn't a recognizable actress for me until Game of Thrones, so now she's just always Cersei, and I don't like her.

Syrup

 Syrup jumps around from event to event without any logical transitions or foundation. It's supposed to be slick and cool, but it's just transparent and hollow. There are a handful of funny moments, but they don't even come close to justifying watching the worst movie I've seen all year.

Syrup was copyrighted 2011, but it wasn't released until 2013. I wonder if it got hung up somewhere, or if that's just how long it takes for a movie to come out after it's been shot. I'm betting it was the former. This looked cool from the trailer, so I wanted to see it. IMDb and Rotten Tomatoes said it was a waste of time, but I was tired of not getting to see any movies because they all had bad reviews, so I watched it anyway. It turns out the reviewers were right: this is the worst movie I've seen all year!

It was so terrible, the entire time I was watching it I just kept thinking, "This is the worst movie ever made!" The flow was absolutely horrible. They would go from snippy and snarky to something that was supposed to be meaningful and emotional without setting it up at all. The music was terrible. It would be silent, and then a cue would come in out of nowhere trying to force you to feel something, and it was just obtrusive.

Everything was totally empty. The voiceovers with "marketing 101" and whatever didn't work at all. Anytime someone broke the fourth wall and talked directly to the camera it felt super awkward and out of place. 6 was awkward, too. Nothing she did ever made sense. It was bizarre how everyone picked a new name. 3, 6, Sneaky Pete, Scat. I don't think real marketing executives do that. And who the heck would pick "Scat" for a name, anyway? He said it was referencing jazz, and okay, that's great, but do you not know what else it means?!

The guys at the competing soda company were so dumb. It's like they were trying to have a realistic movie, and then they put those guys in, and it didn't make any sense. Amber Heard's face bugged me. There's something off about her left eye, and I didn't like all that dark lipstick. Her spiel about what men expect out of women didn't work. None of her dialogue worked; it was just bizarre. She did look gorgeous in a couple of scenes in her apartment, though.

Hara-Kiri: Death of a Samurai

Miike's Hara-Kiri is beautifully directed, but it's also depressing, boring in parts, and not terribly original. 

I'm having a problem finding movies I'm interested in. I was watching the trailer for Blitz seeing if I could get into it enough to watch it, and I felt like I wanted to see something with swords. I had Hara-Kiri on my list of movies to watch, so I watched the trailer for that. I wasn't exactly sold, but I decided to go with it anyway. I wanted something with a little substance, even if I was running the risk of being bored.

Apparently, according to IMDb, the original was better. I didn't even know there was an original. I found out about the remake when I was looking through Ignatiy Vishnevetsky's reviews. He liked it, and I've always been interested in Miike's stuff. 13 Assassins was good, although everything before that was pretty crazy. I can't even believe I watched that stuff anymore. Supposedly the original draws you in more, and there's more dialogue between the father and the clan guy.

That would've been good, because my suspicions were right: I got bored, especially in the middle. I really lost interested when they took the focus away from the present-day stuff and started talking about how Hanshirô knew Motome. The cinematography was great, though. I loved the camerawork and the sets. It really was beautifully directed. I don't know why Miike shot it in 3D. That probably didn't add much, although it would've been a good effect with the falling snow. 

I liked the slow, deliberate pacing of the camera and people's movements, and the fact that we saw what happened to Motome and then afterward learned why it happened made it more interesting.

Let My People Go!

Let My People Go! is a really weird French farce. I don't regret seeing it, but I wouldn't exactly recommend it, either. It has its funny moments, but the main character can be tough to watch.

This looked interesting from the trailer, and at least the person whose IMDb review was on top liked it, so that was enough for me. I liked the idea of Finland and France and a Jewish family and it all seemed very confusing and bizarre, and it was. Bizarre anyway, not so much confusing. It was tough to get a handle on the context. All the houses in Finland were so bright; was it exaggerated to make a point, or is that just normal? Everything in Ruben's house was so old. Was that supposed to say something about his parents, or is that just how it is in France?

I'm glad they didn't do the whole movie in Finnish; I didn't like that very much. I didn't like the French much better. It was kind of distracting because I kept getting caught up on words I could recognize. One time I even figured out a whole sentence. I think it was "how are things with Teemu." Not exactly a monumental achievement, but still.