The Hitman’s Bodyguard

The Hitman's Bodyguard, which it was not my choice to watch, brings nothing new to the genre and isn't worth watching.

I didn't have any interest in seeing The Hitman's Bodyguard. It definitely doesn't bring anything new to the "straight-laced guy gets teamed up with a crazy partner" genre. Samuel L. Jackson was good, I guess. They milked the whole "people like to hear him saying motherfucker" thing too hard, though. It wasn't done well. 

I think I'm officially tired of Ryan Reynolds playing Ryan Reynolds. Somebody let me know when he starts doing a different character. The chase scene in the Netherlands was cool, at least. I don't remember ever seeing one there before.

It had a few funny moments, but it's not worth watching unless you have some sort of niche interest in it. Although I did love the scene where Ryan was talking to the bartender, and pandemonium was breaking out behind him.

The Dark Tower

It's baffling why they even made this Dark Tower movie. It has nothing to do with the books. The characters and plot are completely different. That makes it pretty painful for someone who's read the series, and I'm not sure there's anything there for someone who hasn't.

I knew The Dark Tower wasn't going to be good, but I figured I might as well see it anyway. I read all the books, but it was a while ago, so I don't remember much about them anymore. When I saw the trailer, my reaction was, "what was that, there was nothing there." Reviews said it was just painful to watch because there was so much potential, and they didn't do anything with it. I definitely agree with that.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

I've liked all of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, and Dead Men Tell No Tales is no different. It's not going to win an Oscar or anything, but Javier is appropriately menacing, the plot holds things together well enough, and overall it's fun and familiar.

I like the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. I used to like Johnny Depp, but that's getting more difficult with all the "personal life" stuff that's been happening with him recently. I like the tone of the movies, though. And they're so familiar, with the music and everything. I like the "pirate adventure" angle, and seeing Jack running around doing crazy stuff.

The witch was super weird. I couldn't get behind her at all, or figure out if we were supposed to remember her from one of the other movies. They kind of overdid it with the makeup on the pirates. They all looked like they had some hardcore sun damage going on, and I felt like it wasn't necessary.

Fist Fight

Fist Fight is long, boring, and most significantly for a comedy, not funny.

The trailer for Fist Fight was funny, and I stubbornly insisted on watching it even though most of the reviews were terrible. Strangely, the reviewer on Ebert's website liked it, which everyone in the comments section was rightfully confused about.

2010

I'm not really sure what anyone was supposed to get out of 2010, the sequel to 2001. It was just kind of weird.

I didn’t really have any interest in seeing 2010 (the sequel to 2001), and I was really tired when I watched it, so pretty much the entire time I was just waiting for it to be over. It was kind of weird.

In Order of Disappearance

In Order of Disappearance isn't flashy, but it has a certain novelty factor just by virtue of being Norwegian, and it is interesting to watch how everything plays out.

In Order of Disappearance wasn’t supposed to be very good, but I wanted to see it anyway. I watched it on Netflix, and at first the sound didn’t sync up with the video at all, and it was really confusing. But then we figured out that was the dubbed version, and luckily we were able to change it to “Norwegian audio, English subtitles,” which was a lot better.

Okja

Okja is definitely a touching movie, but the tone was off, and a lot of the characters were like caricatures. I could never quite get into it.

Okja is a weird movie. It’s about a genetically modified “super pig” that looks like a giant hippo. It gets raised by a little girl in the forest for ten years, and then the company that made it wants it back. The characters are super odd. They’re like caricatures. I didn’t particularly enjoy Tilda’s performance as twin sisters – which by the way, is she typecast into only playing twins now? And Jake was super bizarre as the doctor.