Ender's Game

Ender's Game is well-made. The acting, writing, and production value are all fine. It's mildly interesting, but it doesn't really pick up until the end, and I wound up wondering why I watched it.

I haven't read any of the Ender's Game series, but the movie kind of looked interesting, and Roeper gave it a B at least. The acting was fine, and Asa was likeable enough as Ender. I'm not sure I would've kept the last name "Butterfield" if I were Asa. I guess he likes it.

The movie more or less held my interest, and it moved along at a quick pace. Probably too quick of a pace; in the book I imagine they had more time to draw things out. The pace made things seem a little choppy in the movie. It was well-made; it looked good, and the writing/dialogue was good. It was still a little flat, though. People on IMDb described it as "too linear" and "rushed," and I guess I'd agree with that.

The Lone Ranger

I don't know why The Lone Ranger got such bad reviews. It's a fun Disney movie with action, comedy, villains, likeable characters, and great cinematography.
 

The Lone Ranger got some pretty bad reviews, but it still looked like it might be fun. I don't really know anything about the TV series, so I went into it with a completely blank slate on that front; no expectations, and nothing for the movie to live/match up to. I was skeptical about Johnny Depp playing a Native American, and I was right to be; it wasn't so much like watching "Tonto" as it was just watching "Johnny Depp in makeup," but that's okay. I enjoyed his performance anyway.

I really liked what Armie Hammer did with the character of The Lone Ranger. He was pretty endearing. I liked how he always wanted to do the right thing, but he was naïve and kind of bumbling. He just seemed like a good guy, totally out of his element.

It kind of came across as a kids' movie, but then there was a lot of drinking and prostitutes and eating people going on, so it was weird in that respect. It was Disney, after all. I don't think Helena's character Red really needed to be in it. She didn't do much. And Helena's starting to look old. 

William Fichtner gave the performance of his life as Cavendish, or maybe the character design people just did an awesome job. He was barely recognizable; I didn't even know it was him until halfway through the movie. That lip problem he had going on was really disturbing. All the rangers were so dirty, too. That was weird.

Elysium

Elysium focused too much on the heavy-handed theme and not enough on the actual story elements. It wasn't exciting, believable, or worth watching. 

The trailer for Elysium didn't sell me on it, and neither did Roeper's review, even though he gave it an A-, which is pretty high. It's from the same guy who directed District 9. He really needs to lay off the heavy-handed themes. He's not changing the world with these movies. He's from South Africa, though, so I guess that explains where he gets it.

Cockneys vs. Zombies

Cockneys vs. Zombies was a cool idea, but the execution was atrocious. Nearly everything the characters did was illogical to the point of being obnoxious. I did like some of the characters, and it was funny at times, but you're better off just watching the trailer and pretending you've seen the movie. 

Cockneys vs. Zombies had a great trailer, so I was immediately interested. Roeper didn't review it, so I didn't have any help there. Reviews on IMDb and Rotten Tomatoes were mixed. I felt like it was one of those movies where you would like it if you were predisposed to, so I kept it on my list.

That was a big mistake. This movie was terrible. The idea was cool - tough old people fighting zombies. But the execution was rough. It felt like some college kids got together and made a movie. The production value was just nonexistent. The zombies didn't look dead. They moved so slowly, I don't see how they could be a threat to anyone.

I haven't seen the classic zombie movies, but I think that's what they were going for with these zombies and effects; that and, they clearly had no money with which to make the movie. The effects were super fake and super gory at the same time. They were pretty gross. Even though the zombies were slow, I did still find them scary, but I'm easy to scare.

RED 2

If you liked RED (which I did), you'll probably like RED 2. They did less with weighty moments and more with comedy this time, which was fine with me. It was a fun ride with a little bit of everything from humor to action and intrigue.

I really liked RED, so I pretty much knew I was going to watch RED 2 as soon as I heard about it. It probably would've been helpful if I had read over a synopsis of RED first, though. I didn't remember much about it. Even so, RED 2 was hilarious right from the start. I was going to give it a 3, but it's so funny, I have to move it up to a 3.5.

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

I really enjoyed The Mortal Instruments, but that might just be because I like Jonathan Rhys Meyers, the male lead looked cool, and I love fantasy worlds. There are a lot of things I wish they had gone into more detail about, it does drag at the beginning, and I can't argue with the "lame teeny-bopper love story" criticism.

I was beginning to think there were no more good movies out there, after my recent string of terrible movies. I took a gamble on Syrup even though the reviews were terrible, and it didn't pay off. The reviews for The Mortal Instruments were about the same, so I was hesitant about it. Then I found out Jonathan Rhys Meyers was in it, and I figured I'd probably like it no matter how bad it was. It turns out he's not even there for the first hour and a half of the movie, but luckily I still liked it, anyway.

I love different mythologies people create, and learning about how different versions of the world operate. I like finding out people's interpretations of standard creatures; vampires, werewolves, zombies, whatever.

At first I was put off by Clary's ridiculous eyebrows. They're so thick and dark, and they don't match her hair at all. I guess that's supposed to be her natural color, since her hair's the same color in flashbacks to when she was a kid, and her mom sort of has the same hair color, too. But the eyebrows don't match! Clary is a weird name, too. I'm not a fan of it at all.

Then I was put off by Lena Headey being in it. Apparently I've seen her in a few movies, but she wasn't a recognizable actress for me until Game of Thrones, so now she's just always Cersei, and I don't like her.

Syrup

 Syrup jumps around from event to event without any logical transitions or foundation. It's supposed to be slick and cool, but it's just transparent and hollow. There are a handful of funny moments, but they don't even come close to justifying watching the worst movie I've seen all year.

Syrup was copyrighted 2011, but it wasn't released until 2013. I wonder if it got hung up somewhere, or if that's just how long it takes for a movie to come out after it's been shot. I'm betting it was the former. This looked cool from the trailer, so I wanted to see it. IMDb and Rotten Tomatoes said it was a waste of time, but I was tired of not getting to see any movies because they all had bad reviews, so I watched it anyway. It turns out the reviewers were right: this is the worst movie I've seen all year!

It was so terrible, the entire time I was watching it I just kept thinking, "This is the worst movie ever made!" The flow was absolutely horrible. They would go from snippy and snarky to something that was supposed to be meaningful and emotional without setting it up at all. The music was terrible. It would be silent, and then a cue would come in out of nowhere trying to force you to feel something, and it was just obtrusive.

Everything was totally empty. The voiceovers with "marketing 101" and whatever didn't work at all. Anytime someone broke the fourth wall and talked directly to the camera it felt super awkward and out of place. 6 was awkward, too. Nothing she did ever made sense. It was bizarre how everyone picked a new name. 3, 6, Sneaky Pete, Scat. I don't think real marketing executives do that. And who the heck would pick "Scat" for a name, anyway? He said it was referencing jazz, and okay, that's great, but do you not know what else it means?!

The guys at the competing soda company were so dumb. It's like they were trying to have a realistic movie, and then they put those guys in, and it didn't make any sense. Amber Heard's face bugged me. There's something off about her left eye, and I didn't like all that dark lipstick. Her spiel about what men expect out of women didn't work. None of her dialogue worked; it was just bizarre. She did look gorgeous in a couple of scenes in her apartment, though.