The Transporter

I could barely force myself to think about The Transporter for long enough to write anything about it. I don't know why I thought it might be good, but it profoundly was not. Definitely one of the worst, cheesiest movies I've ever seen. Everything about it was horrible, from the music to the action, dialogue, and plot.

I wasn't interested in The Transporter when it came out, but I later became a fan of Jason Statham (Death Race and Crank, anyone?), so I decided to check it out. Bad idea. Easily one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I don't even think Statham is that good here. The music was absolutely horrible. The action sequences were so obviously choreographed and slow. There were huge pauses for Statham to hit his marks, with all the bad guys patiently waiting for their turn to be attacked.

The romance between Frank and Lai was completely unnecessary. The entire plot was empty. The bad guy was actually kind of justified in trying to kill Frank; he did look in the package, after all. I don't know what the heck Frank thought was going to happen when he untied Lai and let her get out of his line of vision.  I find it hard to believe he would do something like that.

I kind of liked the part when the one guy was sledding around the street on the truck door. And I guess parts of the grease fight were interesting. It did have its moments where something interesting almost happened, but then it went to full cheese. I could tell from the cringe-worthy opening sequence that it was not going to be a good time. I did like the inspector, though. And it was funny when Frank was driving his car. It was also a cool surprise when Frank's car blew up. You know he had to be pissed about that.